21 November, 2013

Creative update!

Although it's been AGES since I posted something arty and crafty, I have been busy. One that I completed I can't publish in case the person it is intended for gets wind of it...enough said.
Instead I'll show you what I got up to over the last few weekends. Dot (the dear lady next door) recently purchased a slimline modern light box. I forget the proper name for it, but she invited me over to use it. I traced all of my springtime motifs and today bought whisper weft, cut it and ironed it on.
The squares are now ready for the embroidery to commence.

I've also still had project life on the go - am way behind in printing photos though, and if you visit my Turkish Delights meets 12WBT blog you'll see the reward charts and reward jar that I gleefully created last week!!

So, watch this space to see how these lovelies turn out!

19 November, 2013

3 months...

How fast did the last 3 months go...parts of it seemed frozen in time....yet here I am, still in one piece 3 1/2 months on from the loss of our angelbaby.

This week we reached the 3 month milestone since I had my vaccinations, which means we can start trying again. I don't know what I thought would happen, but it was just a day like any other - nothing earth shattering occurred but it was a pretty big deal for me. I don't have to remember to buy condoms anymore - something we have never used in our entire marriage. I hate them, Marko hates them. Random I know..

So we are officially trying again. Our loss still haunts me and the pain clutches at my heart now and then but I'm not as desperately lost as I was. I definitely still have those moments, but not as frequently.

Hopefully soon we'll have some good news.

10 September, 2013

updating PL

After the month from hell I decided this afternoon to sit down and figure out how the hell to document it in my Project Life album.

After losing our Angel baby, I did not take a single photo. I did not find anything I wanted to capture from the month. I think it has just been too painful. so here is what I decided to do - condense 4 weeks which should have stretched over 4 double page spreads, into 1 double page spread. Using my trusty digital elements and photoshop I have printed my blog posts in place of photos.

And here is how it is looking so far...

Title page - not complete

week 31 - waiting for photos

weeks 32, 33, 34 and beginning of week 35:

So, weeks 32 and 33, using a blog post below.

Long blog post "Shattered dreams"
Weeks 34 and beginning of week 35 last few days of August...
The summary page isn't finished yet but I feel better having put it together. 

03 September, 2013


So like most people I've heard about the stages of grief and never paid all that much attention to it....until this weekend just gone. While talking to my dear friend I realised that at some point last week I'd been overcome with a burning anger. It wasn't tied to particular events (so I thought - HA) but I was angry at everything and everyone. I got so angry I couldn't even look at my darling husband...I thought I was losing my mind. Every little thing had steam pouring out my ears. I got so bad that my usually incredibly tolerant husband got completely fed up with me and started ignoring me. I don't think he knew how else to cope with the blind anger.

And I am angry.

I know I have a right to be. My baby, who hardly even lived, is dead. I won't get to hold it, find out if it was going to be a blue one or a pink one...and it sucks. Once I realised where the anger was coming from I have managed to ease back a bit. I'm still pissed but it's not my husbands  fault. Unfortunately the fault lies with my body. Something went wrong. Very wrong.

You know what, I'm also angry that this whole experience has left me not wanting / fearing intimacy with my husband. What the hell??? My libido has always been pretty good...without going into too much personal information...but now I'd rather not be touched...touching even hugging leads to the tears and I'm so so tired of crying. I had to have a rubella injection after we lost our little angel.Now we aren't allowed to 'try' for 3 months. I'm utterly terrified that now that we aren't supposed to that we will and our next child will suffer the consequences of being conceived while I have the live virus in me.

We have never had to worry about contraceptives before because we've always been trying, since his reversal, and now we have been using condoms, and I know they aren't 100% effective....so how can I enjoy intimacy when I'm angry, sad and terrified....it's not possible. So on top of putting up with an angry wife I think my hubby also feels a bit rejected, so now on top of all that I feel guilty....time for a padded cell....perhaps...

I guess it's just a day at a time...for now...

28 August, 2013

A month...

It's been nearly a month...

I still cry, just not every day and not for hours....I read something or see a photo of someone I know with their baby or pregnant belly and it tears me appart. It's like there is part of me that is happy for them and part of me that is angry that I'm not getting that same chance to grow round with my baby then hold it and take millions of photos to celebrate the miracle of life...instead I feel empty and ripped off.

It is this exactly!

I'm trying to let myself just feel the emotions instead of eating to push it down as I've done in the past...but it's so hard, I'd rather not feel the way I'm feeling.

16 August, 2013

Sore Eyes, Broken Heart

Well after a couple of good days (when I say good days, I mean days when I didn't do more than get tears in my eyes - they didn't multiply and run down my face in rivers), last night I lost it again. I cried for hours over kind words and the babies of friends in my life - so much so that today my eyes are puffy and sore...Please don't stop sharing their photos, I want to know them, I just have moments of devastating sadness when my heart breaks all over again when I realise I'll never hold our little Angel baby...

Admidst the tears last night I decided I need to do something to memorialise our baby. I can't decide between white roses for innocence or the flowers of the month our angel would have been due, Gladiolis for March. It would have been late March or early April, but for my own sake I've decided on March.

Not sure...a close friend lost a baby at 12 weeks years ago and she has a rose. It blooms every year on her due date....she also has a ring with what would have been it's birth stone, I love that idea too... Not really sure and I have time to decide. I guess I will know what is right for me when I see it.

15 August, 2013

2 weeks...

Two weeks tomorrow since the earth beneath me began to shake, one week yesterday since they confirmed I had lost our baby. All physical signs of our pregnancy are gone, but I continue to cry each day. We don't even know how far along we were...my dating scan would have been in another two weeks....but this week we would have been somewhere between 6 and 8 weeks...I don't really know and that somehow makes it so much worse.

On the day the dr told us our baby was gone, he informed me I have no immunity to rubella or hepititus b and that I needed to get re-vaccinated. I had those today. Due to the live rubella virus now running rampant in my body we can't conceive or plan to conceive for a minimum of 3 months. It breaks my heart that we can't just start trying again....now. I want to and he wants to...but we can't risk the effects the virus would have on our next baby. After losing one, I will not knowly endanger the next one. I will do everything in my power to ensure the next ones safety. Losing one has been horrible enough, I don't know how I would cope losing a second.

I worry that we've had our one shot, and I blew it....

I worry that we won't be able to conceive again....

I worry that he blames me...that I did something to cause this...

I worry and I worry....

I cry and I cry....randomly and without warning....

11 August, 2013

What do you do?

Babies and pregnant women are everywhere.....and I'm not coping well. It's not their fault I'm unstable but I just need to not see them right now....In the course of a week I've gone from grinning like a fool at pregnant women and little children to wanting to close my eyes and run away. At least I'm not shouting angry words at them, it's not their fault my body mutanied against me. That is exactly how it feels. Like my body just decide nope this isn't happening and my mind just can't figure it out. Logically I know there must have been something wrong or I ate something wrong or did something wrong but my heart is completely broken.

A beautiful lady I know suggested I plant a tree to remember my precious one, I can't even name it because it didn't live long enough to become a boy or a girl. Maybe I'll get some sort of lovely fruit tree...or a piece of jewellery... it seems so shallow and materialistic but I like the thought that I will have something to show for the tiny life that I've lost.

It's too much. It's so hard.

10 August, 2013

Shattered Dreams

Ever since I was 11 years old I have known that I had been put on this earth to have babies and be the best mother I could be. I remember spending every spare minute at the Whitely's house, Monica had a baby and I couldn't get enough of him and helping her out. I was probably in the way, knowing what my 11 year old neice is like, but I fell in love with that baby boy and I knew, deep in my soul that this what what I wanted.

When it was time to choose a career before leaving high school I had only one preference. Mother. But I wasn't going to just go out and get pregnant, I had a plan. I had to meet the right man, get married then we would have a baby. So in the meantime I needed a way to pay bills and to give a little purpose to my life. I had two choices: hospitality or education. I went with education because I figured school holidays would be handy for when I had to go back to work when my children were school aged, and I loved children so teaching seemed like a good idea.

I hated university. I took some time off. I went back and finished it. I had one loser of a boyfriend who made me question everything about myself and took several years to recover my self esteem....then when I'd finally decided that I'd rather be alone than be treated that way again, I met the man of my dreams. He was a little damaged, but I could see he had a heart of gold and all he needed was love to heal his wounds and anger. He'd been married before. He had two beautiful boys. He'd had a vesectomy. I remember asking him very early on in our relationship if he would be willing to do anything that was necessary for us to have a baby - if he'd said no I'd have walked away or at least I though I could at the time - he said yes. We got engaged. His ex stopped his children from seeing us. We got married. We saved $3000 and got his vesectomy reversed. I started to lose weight so that I would be healthy enough to carry a baby. We waited...and waited...and waited...3 years later we still hadn't fallen pregnant.

We decided to start seeing a natropath who put us on a heap of supplements - to develop good viable sperm in him and for my body to support a pregnancy. We waited and waited. The natropath decided to get some tests done. Sperm count for him, blood tests for me. We found out we would have to go to Newcastle for a weekend for the sperm count....we put the tests off until after our holiday. We went to P!nk in Brisbane, then went to visit family in Toowoomba before heading to my parents farm at Stanthorpe.

My period was late - I did a test and those two perfect pink lines appeared. I couldn't believe it was happening. Over the next three days I did another 2 tests. More pink lines. Our excitement grew. When we got home from our holiday I got very sick. I went to the doctor and he ordered blood tests to see if I was pregnant and to test for a million other things. The results came back positive. I was pregnant, I didn't have glandular fever, but I did have tonsillitis and 7 mouth ulcers. The doctor said that it was still very early in the pregnancy and that he would send me for a dating scan in about 4 weeks.

2nd August - My darling husbands birthday
We drove an hour to our close friends to celebrate his birthday and tell them our news. We couldn't not tell them as she and I love to drink wine and she would have known as soon as I didn't drink any that something was up. 2 hours later, I started to bleed. She had to drive us to the hospital because he'd had too many beers. We were there for 6 hours. The bleeding got worse then lessened. The doctor thought it wasn't a lot of blood so perhaps things would be ok. I had blood tests and lay there and waited and waited, to be sent home at 2:30am.

The next morning the bleeding slowed completely and stopped sometime in the morning. We were so relieved. I convinced myself it was just an implantation bleed (which happens).

I had to have Monday off work to go for an ultra sound. They couldn't see an embrionic sac so they did an internal ultra sound...not pleasant I must say. I was told the signs of pregnancy were there but that there was no evidence of a developing sack or embryo. We were told not to worry too much that the blood tests on Thursday would confirm what was going on. I then went back to my doctor who was quite worried. He decided to send me for blood tests the next day in Singleton. I started to bleed very lightly again. I tried to pretend it wasn't happening, telling myself it's so light it will be ok. Waiting until Wednesday afternoon for my doctor's appointment to be told the results was pure torture. Until he told us that we had lost our baby.

I cried in the doctors surgery, I cried all the way home, I cried in his arms, I cried when I called my Dad - sobbing it out to him on the phone, I cried myself to sleep. How could something so completely loved and wished for have been taken from us so quickly. Our baby wasn't even big enough to be seen on an ultra sound yet - just a bunch of cells they tell me - but it was our first baby. How do I cope with this? How do I grieve for a soul I will never know? How do I grieve for a baby I can't name and could never hold? I know women go through this all the time, yet I have never heard even one talk about it.

The dream that had begun to come true for us has shattered....like fragile glass dropped on a tile floor and I don't know how to pick up the pieces. My grief is overwelming...

20 May, 2013

Garden update

Time for a walk around the garden!

I've been in and pulled out some of the summer vegies (beans, tomatoes, zucchini and cucumber) and have carried bucket load, after bucket load of broken down cow manure to top up the beds. Into them I've planted: brocoli, brussel sprouts, sugar snap peas, beetroot, shallots, onions, cabbage and two packets of sweet peas - my favourite flowers in the world!!! You can just see them at the top of the first photo!!

Can't wait for them all to get bigger and start harvesting again. This weekend I'll take out the climbing beans and the only remaining zucchini and cucumber - which probably died in the frost this morning anyway. I'll move the trellis from the climbing beans over for the sweet peas!! I can already see how beautiful they will be in spring - hopefully reminiscent of the sweet peas mum used to grow in Warwick!!
Still to be planted - Cauliflower and Kale!!

18 May, 2013

location location

From today, all 12WBT posts or posts relating to my weightloss journey can be found via the 'Turkish Delights meets 12WBT' tab at the top of this blog. My reasons for this are revealed in the first post found at the new blog!


11 May, 2013

12WBT Round 1 Finale - Melbourne

What an amazing weekend in Melbourne!! I happily finished off Round 1 7.1kgs lighter and 26cm smaller!! Not quite the 10kgs I was aiming for, but I was thrilled anyway.
So Friday morning I collected Hayley (way too early - got my times mixed up) and we headed to the airport.
In Melbourne it was absoluetly freezing and we shivered like crazy while we waited for the gorgeous Michelle Maz to pick us up to take us to the Crown Promenard where we were staying. When we got there and had checked in we basically got changed and went out again for drinks with the 30+ 12WBT Facebook group. It was kind of sureal seeing all these people that we know on the net but haven't seen in real life before, but it was heaps of fun!

Hayley and I at drinks!
Saturday morning we were up bright and early, downstairs waiting for the rest of our crew to head to the group workout. All the Melbourne girls were volunteering to help out so Hayley and I went with them - even though it was only just light outside!

While Michelle and the others all got training on what their job was and how to do it, a small group of us walked back up the road and found a little cafe to have breaky in. Knowing we had a big morning ahead of us we knew it was important to fuel our bodies in preparation!

My delicious coffee!

Back at the group workout it started to rain and we weren't sure whether we would risk working out in the cold - I certainly didn't want to get sick!!! Where is that JFDI attitude I hear you ask....well it made an appearance!!!
And then the sun came out! And the jumpers came off!

Our group photo with Mish!
We then high tailed it back to the hotel, showered, ate subway and dried our hair ready for our makeovers.

Hayley and I scored big time with our makeup and hair stylists!!! Tenille Larcombe did our hair and Bec Woodrow did our makeup. I couldn't have been happier with the result!!

During  - with Tenille...

The back - stunning wasn't it!!

Halfway - Hayley with make up done, me with hair done....

After!!! Super happy!

Awesome sparkly eyes and fake eyelashes!
I was super excited to get my new dress on, Marko had been unable to get the zip up at home but it wasn't that it didn't fit like I thought but just that his big man fingers couldn't work the zip. The lovely Tania (who shared our room) and Hayley got me into it!!!

Dressed for the party!

With my makeup stylist Becc (cause she had to see me dressed and do a little touch up)
With Tenille!

Full length shot!

Close up....

Posing for the professional photographer with Hayley!
Honestly I have to say it was an inspirational experience. Watching the top 10 go up on stage and the winners announced. It was just wonderful. Can't wait to get into round 2 and achieve more of my goals!!

13 April, 2013

such a slack blogger...

Despite my best intentions I don't think I will ever be a frequent or prolific blogger. It's just the nature of my insanely busy life.

So, another post, another update....what's new for the Turkalj's???

Still no baby news unfortunately, however we are continuing to have considerable fun practicing...sorry that's probably too much information... hehehe.

The vege patch is going great guns at the moment. I have blanched and frozen nearly 2kgs of green beans in the last 2 weeks which is very exciting. I also picked a delicious looking cucumber today and there are 5 more baby ones growing. The vine is a true fighter...it never really took off but after rain it suddenly gets it's mojo on and produces a crop of cucumbers, which is very exciting. On our recent trip to Stanthorpe I took some runners from Mum's strawberry patch and they are doing really well so far. I've also planted snow peas ready for winter and plan to plant broccoli and cauliflower in the next few weeks. Carrots are in! The incredible zucchinis have declined and I'll be pulling out the only remaining plant this weekend. I'll also be knocking on pumpkins to see if any are ripe enough to harvest.

Work is going well for both of us, although our trip to the farm in Stanthorpe reminded us how much we miss home - home being the Warwick-Stanthorpe area. We have a huge soft spot for the farm as we were married there. We both would love to live close to Mum and Dad when they move back, particularly as they age and need someone close by but at the moment reality is that we need to stay where we are, and for the moment that is working out just fine.

I've lost a total of 6kgs during this round of the Michelle Bridges 12WBT and 16cm when I measured. I know I have become leaner and put on muscle since switching to the Lean and Fit program. I can now run for 11.5 minutes, I can do the rolling intervals beginner running and hills interval beginners running programs which is a HUGE deal for me. I'm going to Melbourne for the finale of this round and am trying to decide if I can afford to pay for the next round or not. I know its worth it as the accountability of weighing in each week is really what keeps me on track. I'm really very proud of what I have achieved with my exercise this round and although I would LOVE to say I've lost 10kgs this round I'm thrilled with my total so far...and I still have 3 weeks to go!

Beginning round 1-February
Week 9 - April 
Craft wise I've been a slacker...I have two half finished crochet cardigans and have started smocking a dress for the beautiful Miss Jemima for when she is a little older and walking around. Can't post picks because her Mama will see before I'm ready so you'll have to wait. I did finish my shaggy quilt and do some adjustments to pants that were too loose. My machine is due for a service though and is being tempermental as a result so I'll drop it to the super sewing shop I found in Singleton tomorrow.
My fnished Shaggy Quilt

Hmm...that's the important developments...for now!

05 March, 2013

Battle of the wills

One of the hardest parts of a weight loss journey is the battle you wage with your mind. It is this battle, how prepared you are for it and whether you have a strategy or not that dictates how successful you are. This is how it has been for me, a woman who at 178cm was 139.9kgs - probably in the morbidly obese range.

I don't know if it is the same for people who have less to lose, but I know from conversations with the 12WBTers in the 30+ to lose group that this is the biggest challenge we face.

Our mind tries to convince us that we are happy the way we are...why bother with exercise and depriving the body with the things it craves. It's that little voice when you are running on the treadmill that says 'I can't do it, I won't be able to run for 5 minutes, stop now, my legs hurt, my feet hurt, stop, stop, stop'......Every day I face that voice. This round I'm doing the advanced lean and fit program and in seven weeks I have increased the time I run on the treadmill from 3 minutes to 10 minutes. A huge success for me! But EVERY day is about my mental strategy when I get on to that treadmill.

I focus on the first 2 minutes. Once I get there and the little voice starts nagging me, I play the game. 'Just another minute' I tell the voice. Then at 2 minutes that voice starts telling me that 'I'm not up to it today' or 'it hurts too much'. So I concentrate on each minute. I tell "the voice" 'Its ok I'll stop at 5 mins'. When I get to 5 minutes I just keep focusing on that next minute. Before I know it I'm to 9 minutes and by this stage I KNOW that I can make it to 10 minutes. Next goal - 15 mins.

I have not won the battle with that doubting voice. I have 34 years of listening to that voice rather than rejecting it's view of my life and what I can achieve. I will get there, I will get to a place where that voice controls me less and my will power is stronger!!! I just have to keep fighting and keep the reinforcements coming!!

04 March, 2013

Week 3 - wrap up

It amazes me how quickly the weeks go!! Must be something to do with how busy I am!!

Week 3 came and went and I've done fairly well - I hope.

This week I:

  • Went to the gym before work each day
  • Ate well
  • Smashed out an awesome SSS (super saturday session) with my new mate Hayley
  • Successfully ran on a tready for 5 minutes!!!! Jaw dropping stuff for me!!
And tomorrow I will see if my hard work paid off.

Tomorrow - Wednesday - is weigh in day and I'm excited to see how I have gone. I'm very proud that after the flash flooding event during which I consumed excessive amounts of wine, dip and biscuits did NOT derail me at all. Very proud....

I'll be back to report tomorrow night and with a better post.


03 March, 2013

24/2/13 - week 2 wrap up

What a slacker I've been.

Well in blogging land anyway.

This week I:

  • worked out EVERY day before work, then did the SSS with Mandy and Jess on Saturday.
  • kept my calorie count in control
  • and I lost 2.2kgs!!!

And then Saturday hit....OMG.

I take complete responsibility.

We were at the Nelson's when the wild weather hit and the anxiety from having been in similar situation in the Roma floods and the loss of a beautiful woman in last February's flood had what can only be discribed as a post-traumatic-stress type reaction. Unfortunately despite all my hard hard work, my default setting is still to fill that emotional pit with food. So I drank four glasses of wine, at rice crackers and dip. Admittedly the boys helped eat the crackers and dip so I guess it could have been a lot worse, but it has made me realise that as long as I'm in control its all good.

As soon as there is a situation I can't control with strong emotion (negative) attached I still default back to my emotional eating habits of the past.

So what to do?

I am not sure, but I sure as hell am not giving up. No fricking way!!! I think I just need to have a plan in place for next time, because there will be a next time. Another situation in which I automatically revert to that old behaviour. I'm not sure what I'll do to try and head off this situation next time, but i'm thinking I need some affirmation/Mish sayings on cards for in my wallet or something like that. Something easy to carry on me at all times that in times when I need a swift kick or reminder that 'Hey, that's not who you are anymore Em, you are NOT going to eat that'.

Whatever I decide I need to do it soon, because while I am not giving up, the situation did shake me. I just couldn't believe I was still capable of such mindless eating.

So I'll see it as a learning experience and move on. And keep on JFDI-ing!!

16/2/13 - Super Saturday Session Week 1

I am so excited to have a group of fabulous girls to do this round with!!! It's like an answered prayer!

This morning I drove out to Sandy Hollow to the lovely Mandy's for our SSS. It was her first ever and she completely kicked ass!!!! She did the beginners program and I did intermediate. I know, I know, I was supposed to do Advanced but she had already mapped out the 300m run and I really couldn't see myself running 400m so many times.

This workout was a hard-core arms workout and we sweated and grunted our way through it.

Before the workout!

After the workout...bit sweaty I am...
By the time we did the whole workout, I had burned about 600cals and Mandy was closer to 400cals so we decided to walk up and down her driveway which is probably 4-500m a couple of times. By the end I had burned 822cals and Mandy had burned a little over 600cals. Not bad at all!!!

Ready for our walk up and down the driveway with the kids.
When I got home, I vaccumed and did some mowing and burned another 575cals.
I'm really proud of both of us. Doing the workout together made it so much more fun and we encouraged each other the whole time.
So happy :)

15/2/13 - Goal Setting

Another reposted post from my now deleted Weight Loss blog.... Gotta get you all up to speed!!!

I find this part of the preseason tasks really hard.

I know what I want to achieve, but I know that setting unrealistic, unachievable goals can do serious damage when you don't achieve them. I'm sure you have all heard of SMART goals...I have in my work life as well as through 12WBT.

In essence a S.M.A.R.T goal is:
  • Specific: What exactly is your goal? To feel healthy is not specific. To Lose 2kg in a month is.
  • Measureable: Make sure you can measure your improvements along the way. For example you might have body shape measurements such as weight and blood pressure, or performance measurements such as running 4km without stopping.
  • Achievable: Is it actually possible to achieve your goal? In your heart you need to believe that you can actually get there.
  • Realistic: This is one notch higher than achievable. It might be possible for you to run a marathon (with the right amount of training) but is it realistic given your lifestyle factors?
  • Time Based: You need to set your goals against a timeframe.
With that in mind, here are my goals for this round.

  • To do every workout with enthusiasm and committment.
  • To develop a support network in my local area and be more active on support sites on FB and 12WBT forums.
  • To stick to the food plan like glue!
  • To lose on average 1kg per week during the challenge and get to double digits or as close as possible.
  • To increase the length of time I can jog at a consistent pace...currently 3mins - aiming for 5 mins first.
  • To be positive and kind to myself but allowing no excuses.
  • To keep focussed on my goals
  • To get into the size 16 skirt Marko bought me at the markets when we were first dating...I have NEVER been able to wear it as it has always been too small.
My goals for 2013:
  • To lose 20-30kgs.
  • To be able to run the whole time trial without stopping.
  • To document the journey.
  • To try new things and meet new like minded people.
  • To grow as much of our own organic produce as possible.
I'm anticipating needing to review these goals fairly regularly, so I'll commit to evaluating and adjusting at the milestone weeks 4, 8 and 12 through the round.

14/2/13 - Fitness test

A vital part of preparing for a round of the Michelle Bridges 12WBT is the series of preseason tasks. Each one is really important and I plan to go back and talk about some of the other tasks, but the one I want to focus on today is the fitness test.

Obviously with when trying to track ones progress, there needs to be a baseline or a starting point, and so we do a series of measurements and a fitness test to determine which program would suit us best. When I did my first round I started on the beginner program and then swapped to the intermediate somewhere in the middle. Because I had been going to gym classes for over a year, my fitness level was quite good and I quickly needed to be challenged.

In round 3 I still felt challenged and in round 4 (as I've already stated) I completely lost the plot. So you can imagine my utter surprise, horror even, when as I tallied up my results from the fitness test I realised that I needed to move up a level into the Advanced Lean and Fit program. Before deciding for real I did seek some advice. The only area in which I'm not in the advanced category is in the running - the time trial. I'm so proud of my improvements though. When I started I could only jog for 30 seconds then I needed a big rest. I can now jog faster and for 3 mins...on a treadmill but hey that is still a huge improvement.

The advice I recieved was to go with the Advanced Lean and Fit and just do interval running instead of the 15 min steady jogs.

Soooo....today I did my FIRST lean and fit workout. O M G it was tough but it made me realise that I hadn't been expecting enough of myself. I really really miss my workout buddies in Roma. Liz and Meagan would have kicked my ass long ago and told me to move up a program rather than just cruising....but no longer!!

This round is mine!

I will lose 10 kgs minimum.....13 would be THE BEST because that would put me in double digits.

SO its game on!


Today began like my days have for the past two weeks, alarm went off at 4:30 - got up and dressed in my gym gear, drank the awful concoction the naturopath has me drinking, took my vitamins and by 5am I was in the car and on my way to Singleton to the Gym and Swim. Did my day one workout and burned through 469cals in 57mins.

Not bad if I do say so myself.

I really feel like I fell off the wagon big time last round. I made bad choices consistently and just didn't pick myself up and give myself a stern talking to, until two weeks ago. Then I joined the gym in Singleton and started going in the mornings before work. I've lost most of what I put on in my failed attempt...no lets be honest....I really didn't even try in Round 4. My most successful was round 2 in 2012 when I surrounded myself with a BRILLIANT bunch in Roma Qld. We all did it together, encouraged each other and supported each other and I've been a bit lost without their support. I've tried to link up with others here but have found it difficult living so far out of town.

this round will be different though. This round I have Jess, Mandy and we are adopting Hayley too. It's Mandy's first round, I think it might be Hayley's second and it's Jess' third. Hopefully together we will be an unstoppable force of positive energy to support each other. I really can't emphasis how much the positive energy of those around you influences your desire to succeed. It really does.

~ My 12WBT peeps from Roma, Qld ~ 

Looking at this picture it's hit home how much I miss working out with these girls. I really can't wait to get started with our little local group.

I was looking for a quote to sum up what I was saying before about the need for a supportive foundation, like a building, in your friends and workout mates but I found this instead.

I love this and it is so true. And with a supportive group they will make coping with the hurt, making the time, developing that will power muscle Mish talks about, making the decisions, the sacrifices and being dedicated enough to resist the temptations easier. That's what a supportive group does. Don't get me wrong, they also push you until you think you'll scream at them to leave you alone, until you do it and you get that beaming knowing smile from them - that is true support and friendship. If you don't have a supportive network, get out there and find one...build it yourself. Find one like minded person in your town and you will start to attract others to you.

Now that I've raved about support, support, SUPPORT, I thought I should post the before pics I took today!

I wore my tightest exercise gear to show exactly what was being covered up!! Can't wait to see the changes in 12 weeks, cause this round is MY ROUND!!!