11 August, 2013

What do you do?

Babies and pregnant women are everywhere.....and I'm not coping well. It's not their fault I'm unstable but I just need to not see them right now....In the course of a week I've gone from grinning like a fool at pregnant women and little children to wanting to close my eyes and run away. At least I'm not shouting angry words at them, it's not their fault my body mutanied against me. That is exactly how it feels. Like my body just decide nope this isn't happening and my mind just can't figure it out. Logically I know there must have been something wrong or I ate something wrong or did something wrong but my heart is completely broken.

A beautiful lady I know suggested I plant a tree to remember my precious one, I can't even name it because it didn't live long enough to become a boy or a girl. Maybe I'll get some sort of lovely fruit tree...or a piece of jewellery... it seems so shallow and materialistic but I like the thought that I will have something to show for the tiny life that I've lost.

It's too much. It's so hard.

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